I love black thongs
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
