would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
