dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
