if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's official drugs can't kill me
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
