There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
