So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
