She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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