I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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