It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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