Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
