Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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