She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
