Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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