im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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