too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
