I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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