I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
They took my balls.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
