I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
