I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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