Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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