Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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