Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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