omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
