I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
