Say something about gay babies.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
