I just pynch a tree in the face
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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