The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
