At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
