And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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