I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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