i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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