can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
