Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
