I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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