some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just found a bag of teeth...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
