His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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