I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
we should paint friendship bongs
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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