The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
