dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
