Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
