he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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