Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
