no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
