What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Randomize
