i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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