My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
