how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
