i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
