I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
