I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
