Nicole vs. Life
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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