Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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