just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
