I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
