Sry I called you an 8
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
