My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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