I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
