True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
this beer tastes like vomit already
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
