U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
