honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
