She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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